there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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