are you still at the devil's house?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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