Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
