All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
