are you still at the devil's house?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
