In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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