As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
