I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
