I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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