Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
