i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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