I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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