When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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