On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
