We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
