I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
