Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
