To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
