no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
