Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
