My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
In America we eat man semen.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
