I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
