I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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