I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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