your room smells of hookers.
And success
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
