never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
