I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
