i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
