shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
