i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
