I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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