Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize