she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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