She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize