The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
