My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
