so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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