4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
