You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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