last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
