Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
