the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
