I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
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she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
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It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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