So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
