FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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