I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
