pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize