He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
