when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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