we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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