I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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