Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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