I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
