Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize