Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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