i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
