Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
