She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my shit smells like andre
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
