if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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