I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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