I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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