I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize