WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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