Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Randomize